For the last six months or so, I've been very humbled and heartbroken. Let me explain. I am not sad, nor am I depressed. I've simply been shown how quickly life can change and that no person is excluded. Common knowledge, yes, but I think as a mother, Its easy to get so wrapped up with the everyday ... day to day hubbub of life, and that I don't think about how quickly someone whom I love can be taken from me. Taken is a strong word. I hesitate to use it, but it's appropriate.
Inspired by two young mothers, I sit today and search the depths of my soul. My heart is broken for them. For their pain, their sorrow, lonliness and grief.
Lorien. A beautiful woman. Beautiful in every way a woman can be. She has three of the cutes little blonde haired girls you will ever come across! I believe the oldest is 7, and the youngest is 4. We were members of the same ward until I moved out a little over a year ago. As a member of the Primary Presidency, I was able to interact and spent quite a bit of time with her little angels, and I love them!
This is where the heartbreak comes in. Less than three weeks ago, Lorien lost her young husband in a terribly sad and traumatic accident. He was 35. One morning they were together, the whole family, excited about buying their very own dairy, and hopeful for their future! That afternoon, their lives completely changed. In an instant.....from one second to the next, their dreams, their hopes, everything they knew, was shattered. Their husband and father was gone.
My heart - no - my very soul aches for this family!
Then there is Krissy. She married a man who grew up in the same ward I did. I see her often when I attend my old home ward, but I know her mostly through the stories I hear from my family members who live where she does. Krissy, from the very limited amount of time that I've actually known her, seemed to me to be a very talented woman. Athletic, and fun, she co-coaches her local High School Softball team, and has done very well. She also has two beautiful daughters!
This very early Spring, near the end of April, Jacob was only 5 weeks old. I was at Kelli's house, enjoying having our two little babies together, when we heard some terrible news. Krissy's youngest daugher, 18 months old, came up missing from a friends home that sits just a few meters from the river. People had searched for hours with no luck and could only conclude that she was in the river. Search parties scoured the river banks far into the night. My brother- a firefighter and search volunteer -came home that night dejected. They could not find her. The search had been called off for the night, as the weather was so cold, the divers were subject to hypothermia. They would resume in the morning.
I went home that night, sick. Heart-sick and sick to my stomach. I could think of nothing else. Krissy, Layne, their baby...... the river. I remember how cold the weather was that night. My home was toasty warm, but I was literally shivering from cold. I could only think of that sweet baby, freezing in the river water. I didn't sleep. I think I checked on my kids a hundred times that night, making sure they were covered and warm.
She was found very early the next morning, not far from the home where she had wandered. What a painful relief for her parents. That her body was found, was a miracle. As fast as the Snake River flows in April, it was only by a divine act of mercy that her tiny body wasn't swept away.
I've followed Krissy's blog ever since. At first I felt only grief and sorrow for her. An overwhelming, bone-deep empathy that cannot be described. I cried for this woman, whom I really didn't know. I ached for her 4 year old daughter who would not grow up with her sister. I wept as I read about her experiences the weeks after the drowning. Her strength and her faith in the divine plan of our Heavenly Father eased the burden of death, as she buoyed up those around her. SHE lifted others up, helped them grieve, even when her own pain was surely palpable. I don't know what I would do, but I hope if I ever have to endure the agony of losing a child as Krissy did, that I will cling to my Savior, and stand with the same beauty and grace that she has.
I've read many times on her blog about how she is grateful for writing down her experiences with her children. That through her blog, (which she prints off regularly), she has a detailed remembrance of her little angels. Her life with them, with her baby, will be remembered because she takes the time. My mother always told me from before my first child was born, to "WRITE IT DOWN, because you will forget those sweet little moments."
I wish I had.
Oh, now, I have on occasion, written down cute little antics of the kids, but so many details are now gone. I've thought many times, "Go write that down!!", but then I get busy, distracted, and I forget.
I don't know when the Lord will call one of my family home! When one of them might be taken in some terrible accident, never to return home to me. I cannot bear the thought.
I am resolving to do better!! So that if something were to happen, I will have those precious memories to fall back on...to give peace and comfort, and if I am blessed enough to watch them all live out their lives, I will still have those memories to cherish.
Jacob is almost 8 months old now, Jaxon is almost 8 years. I've missed out on recording so many fantastic moments, but there are so many more to come! Inspired by the heartache of death seems a tad morbid, I know, but, God has a way of teaching his children. I have been taught greatly by the experiences of these two women in the past few months, and as I watch them live their lives with all the love, grace, and faith they can muster, I desire to become like them. I hope I can rise to the challenge.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Black and White
New Year come and gone, New baby on his way!
Wow, time really flies! Life has been SO busy, but I supposed that keeps us out of trouble...sort of! The New Year came and went and it's all ready March! Our third child, a little boy, is due any day, and I can't wait! My official due date isn't until March 14, but I am progressing quickly and hopefully he will come before then! I am torn between being ready to have my body back to myself, and liking the sleep that I do get at night. Knowing that sleep is rapidly coming to a screeching halt tends to make me want to keep him INSIDE for a few more weeks! Jaxon and Macady are both extremely excited to have a new brother on the way, and are looking forward to being able to "play" with him. Though I have tried to explain how life is with a newborn, I don't think they are grasping the concept! :) Oh, well, I'm just glad they are happy about a new sibling!
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