A New Resolution....

For the last six months or so, I've been very humbled and heartbroken.  Let me explain.  I am not sad, nor am I depressed.  I've simply been shown how quickly life can change and that no person is excluded.  Common knowledge, yes, but I think as a mother, Its easy to get so wrapped up with the everyday ... day to day hubbub of life, and that I don't think about how quickly someone whom I love can be taken from me.  Taken is a strong word.  I hesitate to use it, but it's appropriate.  

 Inspired by two young mothers, I sit today and search the depths of my soul.   My heart is broken for them.  For their pain, their sorrow, lonliness and grief.  

Lorien.  A beautiful woman.  Beautiful in every way a woman can be.  She has three of the cutes little blonde  haired girls you will ever come across!  I believe the oldest is 7, and the youngest is 4.    We were members of the same ward until I moved out a little over a year ago.  As a member of the Primary Presidency, I was able to interact and spent quite a bit of time with her little angels, and I love them!   

This is where the heartbreak comes in.  Less than three weeks ago, Lorien lost her young husband in a terribly sad and traumatic accident.   He was 35.  One morning they were together, the whole family, excited about buying their very own dairy, and hopeful for their future!  That afternoon, their lives completely changed.  In an instant.....from one second to the next, their dreams, their hopes, everything they knew, was shattered.   Their husband and father was gone. 

My heart -   no   - my very soul aches for this family! 

Then there is Krissy. She married a man who grew up in the same ward I did.  I see her often when I attend my old home ward, but I  know her mostly through the stories I hear from my family members who live where she does.   Krissy, from the very limited amount of time that I've actually known her, seemed to me to be a very talented woman.  Athletic, and fun, she co-coaches her local High School Softball team, and has done very well.  She also has two beautiful daughters! 

This very early Spring,  near the end of April, Jacob was only 5 weeks old.   I was at Kelli's house, enjoying having our two little babies together, when we heard some terrible news.   Krissy's youngest daugher, 18 months old, came up missing from a friends home that sits just a few meters from the river.  People had searched for hours with no luck and could only conclude that she was in the river.   Search parties scoured the river banks far into the night.  My brother- a firefighter and search volunteer -came home that night dejected. They could not find her.  The search had been called off for the night, as the weather was so cold, the divers were subject to hypothermia.  They would resume in the morning.   

I went home that night, sick.  Heart-sick and sick to my stomach.  I could think of nothing else.  Krissy, Layne, their baby...... the river.   I remember how cold the weather was that night.  My home was toasty warm, but I was literally shivering from cold.  I could only think of that sweet baby, freezing in the river water.  I didn't sleep.  I think I checked on my kids a hundred times that night, making sure they were covered and warm.  

She was found very early the next morning, not far from the home where she had wandered.  What a painful relief for her parents.  That her body was found, was a  miracle.  As fast as the Snake River flows in April,   it was only by a divine act of mercy that her tiny body wasn't swept away.   

I've followed Krissy's blog ever since.  At first I felt only grief and sorrow for her.  An overwhelming,  bone-deep empathy that cannot be described.  I cried for this woman, whom I really didn't know.  I ached for her 4 year old daughter who would not grow up with her sister.   I wept as I read about her experiences the weeks after the drowning.   Her strength and her faith in the divine plan of our Heavenly Father eased the burden of death, as she buoyed up those around her.  SHE lifted others up, helped them grieve, even when her own pain was surely palpable.  I don't know what I would do, but I hope if I ever have to endure the agony of losing a child as Krissy did, that I will cling to my Savior, and stand with the same beauty and grace that she has.   

I've read many times on her blog about how she is grateful for writing down her experiences with her children.  That through her blog, (which she prints off regularly), she has a detailed remembrance of her little angels.  Her life with them, with her baby, will be remembered because she takes the time.   My mother always told me from before my first child was born, to "WRITE IT DOWN,  because you will forget those sweet little moments."  

I wish I had. 

Oh, now, I have on occasion, written down cute little antics of the kids, but so many details are now gone. I've thought many times, "Go write that down!!", but then I get busy, distracted, and I forget. 

 I don't know when the Lord will call one of my family home! When one of them might be taken in some terrible accident, never to return home to me.  I cannot bear the thought.  

I am resolving to do better!! So that  if something were to happen, I will have those precious memories to fall back on...to give peace and comfort, and if I am blessed enough to watch them all live out their lives, I will still have those memories to cherish. 

Jacob is almost 8 months old now, Jaxon is almost 8 years.  I've missed out on recording so many fantastic moments, but there are so many more to come!   Inspired by the heartache of death seems a tad morbid, I know, but, God has a way of teaching his children.  I have been taught greatly by the experiences of these two women in the past few months, and as I watch them live their lives with all the love, grace, and faith they can muster, I desire to become like them.  I hope I can rise to the challenge. 

Black and White

I'm finally starting to get back in the mood for photography.  It's weird how pregnancy can affect your desires!  Within months after becoming pregnant it seemed as if I wouldn't want to pick a camera up again.....I was SO sick those first five or six months!  Fortunately, the photo bug has nipped me in the hiney, and I am excited about getting back to exploring the wonderful world of photography!  Here are just a couple of the B & W images I edited this morning....

New Year come and gone, New baby on his way!

Wow, time really flies!  Life has been SO busy, but I supposed that keeps us out of trouble...sort of!  The New Year came and went and it's all ready March!  Our third child, a little boy, is due any day, and I can't wait!  My official due date isn't until March 14, but I am progressing quickly and hopefully he will come before then!  I am torn between being ready to have my body back to myself, and liking the sleep that I do get at night.  Knowing that sleep is rapidly coming to a screeching halt tends to make me want to keep him INSIDE for a few more weeks!  Jaxon and Macady are both extremely excited to have a new brother on the way, and are looking forward to being able to "play" with him.  Though I have tried to explain how life is with a newborn, I don't think they are grasping the concept!  :)   Oh, well, I'm just glad they are happy about a new sibling!

I Will Miss You

I've had some experiences the past few weeks that have really taken a lot out of me.  From moving to weddings in Boise and back, my life seems to always be on spin cycle.  Taking top prize of unexpected circumstances would be the passing of my wonderful grandmother, Nila Schrenk.  What a wonderful woman, who loved her family more than anything!  I had the honor of giving her life sketch at her funeral today, and even though I felt inadequate, I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to do it.  It was such a blessing to be able to reminisce and talk about memories that were dear to our hearts, to compile all of these special things and write about them, and then ultimately to deliver them in a small glimpse of her life.  I felt that it brought me closer to her, and gave me a chance at closure, which would have otherwise been a difficult thing for me.  Oh, how I love my grandmother, and how my heart aches to know she is no longer here with us.  But what peace fills my soul when I think about the reunion I will have with her when I pass on from this life!!  I love you Grandma, and am looking forward to feeling  your loving embrace again!  You always inspired me to be a better person, and I will always remember the smile on your face when we would walk through your door.  Until we meet again, I love you!

Just Let Go

As much as I try to be in control of my life, I have had many reminders lately that I am not the one running the show.  With the stress searching for a house, starting a new job, starting my own fledgling photography business, trying to fulfill my calling and just plain old being a good mom, I was stretched so thin that for the first time in my life I had a nervous breakdown.  Sobbing on my knees one night I turned my circumstances over to my Father in Heaven who undoubtedly knows what is best for me and my family.  I gave up.  I couldn't do it on my own, and He knew that. I just had to ask for His help, and have the courage to accept whatever His will for me was. Within days, I had found a house, work was coming in for Jared, assistance that we had been waiting for for over two years now came through, and the blessings just keep pouring in...so many that I can't even mention.  Sometimes I have to sit back and realize yes, while I have my own choices to make in life, God wants me to be happy and is waiting to bless me! He is in control and the sooner I remember that and accept His will for me .... the happier I can be!

Faith of a Child!

Jaxon lost his first tooth today! He was such a trooper! He just asked me to pull it out and he didn't even cry! What happened tonight just before bed tho, really touched my heart! Macady grabbed the envelope that had his tooth inside, shook it, and lost the tooth. We searched high and we searched low, but couldn't find it! Jaxon of course, was very upset, his first tooth was gone, and the Tooth Fairy won't come if there is no tooth! Well, as we were getting ready for family prayer, Jaxon asked Daddy if he would pray that we would find his tooth. Immediately after the prayer was said, Jax and I looked under and between the cushion on the couch and there it was, nestled safely between them!  We hadn't even gotten up off our knees after saying the prayer! What a testimony of the faith of a child, and the power of prayer!  It was just awesome to see his face and knowing that he knew his Father in Heaven helped him find his tooth...his first tooth!  He then said a quick prayer thanking Heavenly Father for helping us, and then wrote it down in his journal...what a sweet moment!

One of my latest

I've had a passion for photography for years now, So Jared and I made a decision to get a really good camera! A Canon SX20IS. I'm really liking the camera a lot, but it's going to take me awhile to learn how to use all the functions! I LOVE doing landscapes, but will be doing more with portraits and family pictures. It feels so good to be behind the camera, I'm SO in my element when I'm scoping out a shot....there are only a few times when I'm happier! When I'm with my family, or at the Temple. This shot was taken near 2nd lift in Declo...

New Job

Ok, wow, so it hasn't been quite a year since my last post....life goes by so fast sometimes! Time to get this up and running again! Sooo I got a job! Yay! It's just part time at the DeMary Library in Rupert, but I LOVE it! I love to read to begin with, I always have, but now......I get to be surrounded by books 3 days a week! Whoo hoo! Not only surrounded by books, but surrounded by QUIET! Oh how I need quiet! :) The one problem I see with it is that now I have about 100 books on my "want to read" list, and every day I'm there I see more that I want to read. Hmmm....is this a good job for me or not??? I think it's great! The library director said that she will probably be looking in to giving me more hours, which would really help out with our finances. One of the best parts about it is that the kids daycare is literally just right around the corner....Just for Kids....one of the best daycares around so I feel comfortable sending them to one, which is hard for me to do.

T-Ball Fever

First time around the bases!!

Jaxon is SO excited to be playing T-Ball this year! He plays on the Rimrock team and is #2. They don't take score so there is no winner or loser, but each child gets to bat each inning so that is fun for them! He played Pitcher during the first inning and did very well and getting the ball to first base, almost as well as he danced circles around the mound!! :) . He was very proud of himself! I think Mom was even more proud!

New Investment

Our New (to us) Bucket truck!!

Grandpa Jerry bringing it home



Now this is cool!



High Above our House!!

WOW!!! It finally happened! Our very own bucket truck! Thank you! Thank you Jerry for your support and for helping this little family! Jared will be able to work in any kind of weather and all winter long, this is and will be such a blessing to our family. You are the greatest!!

Oh, so fast!

I have days that I wish would hurry up and be over!! Especially the days when the children wont stop whining, arguing, ignoring me, and sometimes even fighting. But I have so many more days when I realize how loving my children are! I see them share, say they are sorry, and help each other! They are always ready with an abundance of hugs and kisses! When I hear them laugh and see them smile, my heart is full of joy and even through all the stresses of Motherhood and everyday life, things just seem okay! They are growing up way too fast!! Jaxon is 5 and almost ready to go to Kindergarten. He can write all of his letters and his numbers up to 100. (up to 20 by himself and the rest with a little help). He loves to read books and use rhyming words! Where did the last 5 years go?? It is so crazy to me how fast time goes by now, when it seemed to drag on and on when I was little. I've been told it only gets faster. Therefore, I have made a promise to myself, I will from now on enjoy every day with my children! I will no longer wish days away, even when there is whining, crying, fighting, dishes stacked and laundry piled up! I cherish my children, and will revel in every moment! They won't be little for long.....

New Calling

In November, I was blessed to be called to serve in the Primary Presidency. To be honest, I felt rather inadequate and more than a little nervous! But I know that when the Lord calls, it is for a reason! Let me tell you, I have learned more in the last three months than I have in a long time! Primary is such a wonderful place to be, and the children have a spirit that is sometimes indescribable! The Lord knew exactly what I needed in my life, and has blessed me so much! Not only do I get to work with some of the most wonderful children, but I am blessed to be a part of a Presidency where the President and First Councelor are women who I look up to and admire so much! I hope I can serve in a way that will be pleasing unto Him!!

Pay It Forward

This idea came from my friend Kim (who got if from her friend Corinne). I think it sounds like a lot of fun, and anyone who wants to Join me is more than welcome!!

This is how it works: Pay It Forward Exchange is based on the concept of the movie "Pay it forward". I will send a hand made gift to the first three people who leave a comment to this post on my blog requesting to join the PIF exchange. All the gifts will be made and posted out 'sometime within the next year'. How exciting to not know when your surprise package will arrive! What you need to do in return, is pay it forward by making the same promise on your blog. This Exchange is only open to those with active websites or blogs. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PROMISE TO POST THIS SAME 'PAY IT FORWARD' MESSAGE ONTO YOUR BLOG, WHICH MUST BE ACTIVE IN ORDER TO PLAY. YOU WILL PAY IT FORWARD TO THREE PEOPLE WHO COMMENT ON YOUR BLOG. I'd love for you to join me! Will you? Other comments are welcome, but only the first three will be my Pay It Forward recipients. Come and join me who doesn't love a gift or giving gifts???

A Forever Family!

On Thanksgiving Weekend, Nov. 29th, our little family was sealed together forever in the Twin Falls, ID Temple! What a glorious day it was! To see my two beautiful children all dressed in white, and to look across and see my husband kneeling there as we were sealed, was almost too much for my heart! It was bursting with joy! FINALLY we are a forever family! I can't thank God enough for His bounteous blessings! To have so many of our family there was so special!! Thank you, to all who could be there to witness this wonderful event! We love you!!

Happy Birthday!!

Macady's birthday was on 11/18, she had a lot of fun! It's hard to believe that she is 3 all ready! My little girl is growing up! BTW she LOVES cake!

Our finished products!

Carving Pumpkins

Unfortunately this was our first year carving pumpkins....and the kids loved it! I say unfortunately because I wish we would have done this before. Grandma Candace grew some HUGE pumpkins in her garden this year and we had fun cleaning them out!

Halloween

Since I started this blog after Halloween, I want to take a few minutes and show off my kids! Jaxon was obviously a Pirate and Macady was a "mystical witch". They were so darn cute! Almost as cute as their Grandma Candace!!

Hippo Woes

Every day I fall deeper in love with my kids!! Jaxon and Macady were being pretty rambunctious tonight, when Jax misjudged a corner and slammed right into it! He came running over to me and cried "Mommy, I just hurt my Hippo, my hippo hurts!" I'm pretty sure he was talking about his hip-bone. Its sad that he hurt himself, but how adoreable!

Preparation......

As the days tick by and our Temple day draws closer, I am constantly reminded of the goodness of our Savior. The love He must have for each one of us is sometimes astonishing to me, and I will forever be grateful for the chance we have to repent. I am trying to teach my kids the importance of being reverent in the Temple! I am a little concerned that they will cause a ruckus and be difficult for the patrons to handle, but I know that God will bless us on that beautiful day! My dreams are finally coming true, and I know the blessings that await us if we remain faithful will surmount anything I have ever dreamed.......